Hey folks,
I have managed to make through the first semester. FAST is actually as horrible as they put it. I also have the Physics course which I actually should be good at, but I am not. I scored 3.47 on the scale of 4.0 in the first semester. I was short of 0.03 points to be on Dean’s list, and that sure is a pity! I feel bad for not performing well, but at least I am trying my best.
This semester something funny happened. I walked into the Girls’ common room, and found all the girls sitting there. By their positions and postures, it seemed like they were discussing something. Then, Captain Planet and Aishwarya Rai threw some comments toward me. I think Captain Planet was doing the talking. And, as far as I remember she said that they have decided to compete with me as I have scored well in the first semester. And then they looked at my face to read my reaction. I have no idea what I said in response. May be, I just said, “Okay!” They thought I was competitive, and I would react because working for grades and then maintaining my position without any rivals is my goal here.
I felt weird about the whole episode. They think I am simple and incapable of understanding what they were trying to do? If I don’t say anything, it doesn’t mean that I don’t understand. I am playing the role of oh-the-simple-one so that I don’t hurt their superior egos, and they are misunderstanding and judging me in every possible way! I have already started to feel bad about coming to FAST-NU.
How I can tell them that I used to bunk classes in my college, sometimes just for staying out with friends and sometimes to be in the library. I hate textbooks and classes. I have had Fs in my life. Three of them. In Islamic Studies, Mathematics, and Economics. F in Islamic Studies was because I didn’t write Arabic ayahs and ahadith in my paper, and the teacher replacing our actual teacher deducted points everywhere for the missing Arabic. F in Mathematics and Economics were because I wasn’t serious about studies. I was caught by my mother reading Christopher Pike’s novel while my Tutor was trying to embed Algebra in my teeny-meeny brain. If you think I am into studies, you are way off understanding me.
I changed because the day I was conditionally promoted to the 10th grade in consideration of my fairly good performance in the past 9 years, my mother came home with my result card in her hand and tears in her eyes. She didn’t say even a single word to me. I wanted her to say something. Her silence killed me. When I asked her for the report card, hoping she would say something. She only said, “We have always done everything for you, and we always will do. Study this year!”
My mother is not the typical house wife who are fancy and unrealistically sweet-tongued. She loves dressing up, at least used to, and she has a refined taste in everything. I am not exaggerating. All the woman from both sides of our family used to take my Mum on shopping sprees because of her taste and ability to choose the best things (for them). She doesn’t talk like girls, but when she says something it has weight and worth listening to.
It was the year when our house was robbed empty and my father’s business collapsed. We found the strangers in our family and friends, and we found the family and friends in strangers. I knew what my parents were going through. I felt their pain, and that changed me.
I need to play the role diligently to get the results I need to make my parents happy. For me success is not getting As but comforting my parent’s concerns by doing my part every single day.
But would you, oh the mighty FASTians, ever get to know this? Never, because you’ll spend this time judging me, then the distances would grow, and later you’ll be like “Ah, so that’s her cover up story!”.
There is a bright side to it. You’ll judge me, form opinions, and then become distant. This will allow me to not bunk classes again or get Fs. I will get to focus solely on the studies. I will also get to save myself from the teenage dramas.
I won’t make great friends though, and I am already sad about it. I am weighing down with such thoughts, and hence I am going offline.
Think beautiful, stay beautiful!
Shaz